Seto tales For lack of a better title
by Dancho
Summary: This is going to be all my random chappies about Seto. New rating and chappies. Disclaimer: I own nothing
1. Goodbye

(AN: These chapters are random stories only held together by the fact that they star my favorite, Seto Kaiba. No chapter has anything to do with any of the others. Oh, so you know in this story ~...~ is part of the letter. K?)  
  
~ Hello, Brother. I'm writing you, even though I'll be with you soon enough. I'm sitting in the living room (You remember what that looks like don't you?) thinking about you. I've just put a tape into the VCR and I'm pressing play as I write this. It's the tape your friends put together for me. Don't worry. I've already written them a thank you note, which I posted yesterday. I hope they don't mind that I put some of my own clips on there. Oh, I like this part. It's a few months after I took over as head of KaibaCorp. We're at the park with a friend of yours. I'm filming from my seat on the ground. I smile at you as your smiling face appears on the screen. You were so happy, smiling at me like that. You're waving at me, giggling as you play tag with your friends. I can see the camera shake as you fall and I run towards you, dropping the camera behind me. The picture is upside down, but I can still watch myself as I run towards you. I pick you up and make sure you aren't hurt. You laugh at my concern and I laugh as well. You run off laughing and resume your game of tag with your friends. Why wasn't I more concerned two weeks ago? I should have been. I'm such an idiot!  
  
Now the tape is showing your fifth birthday. We're smiling at the camera and I think your trying to stand so that you can look over the table. I laugh and pull up a chair for you to stand on. I watch the tape and smile as you blow the candles out. You're laughing because you think your wish will come true. If you watch closer you can see that I helped you blow out the candles. You smile up at me, not knowing how I helped you and begin to open your presents. You are so excited over one of your games, then you drop it and it breaks. You start to cry, but I promise I'll buy you a new one, even though I don't have the money. Did your wish ever come true? What was it? Did you like the game? Did you ever win it? I don't suppose I ever asked. Didn't seem important at the time. I wish I had.  
  
Here you are showing off for the video camera. I smile a little as you slip and fall, knocking over one of my more expensive antiques. I frown at myself as I put the camera down and yell at you. You yell back at me and soon I send you to your room without supper. Did you know that I still loved you? Do you remember that I relented and brought you some hot soup later?  
  
I wish you were still here with me. I'd give up all my antiques and money if you'd come back. But I know you can't. Do you remember wishing that Mom and Dad would come back for us? Do you remember that I never told you that they were dead? Did you ever figure it out? Were you mad that I lied to you? Did you ever hate me? Did you forgive me for not being able to rescue you from Pegasus? I tried! I really did! I guess I didn't try hard enough. Do you know how much I hated, and still hate, myself for that? Do you remember at all? ~  
  
I look down at the small grave and feel a tear roll down my cheek. A few days ago I would have brushed it aside, but now it doesn't seem so important. So many things have changed. I should have asked you all these questions. I should have been more caring. I really don't care about anything but you now. So what if I lost the title of duel monsters champion? So what if the world sees the CEO of KaibaCorp crying? So what if I have all this money and power. You're not here.  
  
~ You shouldn't be gone, little brother, not you. You were so young. It should be me that's gone. Not you. Never you. ~  
  
Mokuba Kaiba Loving brother Rest in Peace  
  
~ Do you know that I hate myself for allowing you to walk home alone? Do you know that when I heard the news I cried? Do you know that I felt myself die with you? Do you know? I should have been there to protect you. I should have stopped that car before it hit you. I would have stopped it. That's what big brothers are for. Guess I failed, huh? ~  
  
I look down at the gun I bought. I like the reassuring heavy weight. I like the secure feeling it gives me and smile to myself.  
  
~ Don't worry, Little brother. I'm coming for you soon. We'll be together soon. I told you nothing could part us. What's a little thing like death? I love you. See you soon. Your older brother, Seto. ~  
  
I place the letter on Mokuba's stone and hope he can read it. If he can't, I'll be with him soon enough. I load the small revolver slowly, not wanting to make a mistake, another chance for me to be separated from Mokuba, and place it against my temple. I looked down at Mokuba, my little brother, smile and close my eyes.  
  
"I'm coming little brother." I whisper. And pull the trigger. 


	2. Perhaps

Alone. Mokuba. Failure. Myself. Not myself. Nothing.  
  
I feel the thoughts pass through my mind. What happened? One minute I was standing in Pegasus's duel monsters stadium and the next I'm here. But where is here? Am I even really here? And is this place even a place? There's nothing here! Just me. But is it I? I'm not myself. But how can this not be me? Forget it! Stick with the main questions. Where am I and what happened?  
  
I was standing there. Losing. And I had to help Mokuba, but I couldn't! I couldn't win! And he knew it! Knew it the whole time! He was playing with me! Letting me get the upper hand and pretending that I was winning then smashing my monsters! And he used my own cards against me! I tried! I tried and not just for me! For Mokuba. I had to save him, but...I...Couldn't. Couldn't save him! And that monster knew it! He stood there at the end and taunted me. Throwing my futile efforts in my face. Humiliating me, and I couldn't do a thing. Because it was all true. Every single word. I had tried my best, but it wasn't good enough. Will Mokuba forgive me? Will I forgive myself? Probably not. How can I? Wait! After I lost, I remember...a blinding light. Then this. This place!  
  
But where am I? This place...can't be a place. There's nothing! No space; no time; no gravity; no light; no darkness. There is simply nothing. I'm not even really here, am I? I can see, but I can't see anything. There is nothing to see. This must be what it feels like to be blind. I'd say I was floating, but I'm not. I am just...here. Nothing else. Just here. God! I'm confused!  
  
Wait! I remember now! That Monster did this to Mokuba! We were in the dungeon and there was a blinding light. Then Mokuba was just laying there. Not moving but not dead. Just...there. The monster said that he had taken Mokuba's soul. Does that mean my soul has been stolen as well? Am I in a card just like Mokuba? Will I ever get out? Will I ever be allowed to save Mokuba? Is Mokuba all right? I wonder how much time has passed. I wonder where I am. Not me exactly. My body. Am I alright? What's happening to me? Will I ever know? Where is Mokuba? If he hurts Mokuba, I swear I'll...I'll...I'll what? What can I do? I can't do anything! I'm useless. God. I want to die. But I can't die. If there is nothing, then wouldn't death not exist as well? Whatever. All I know id that I cannot die. But perhaps this is the next best thing? Perhaps death is too good for me. Perhaps... 


	3. Dreams

(AN: I'm pushing the rating because of two bad words. Be warned.)  
  
"Come on." Ms. Tuyen begged me. We'd been sitting in silence for the last half-hour. Evidently, her resolve, not to talk until I did, had finally cracked. I was impressed; I was better than I had thought. I had, honestly, given her three meetings (I refused to call them sessions) of absolute silence before she started talking first; this was our second meeting. Our first meeting had been a quiet one after our formalities and her explaining the rules. (i.e. No one could leave until the meeting was done. I must be honest. I could walk around if I wanted as long as she could too. She wouldn't start talking until I did. Etc.) This meeting had included the usually formalities and here she was, half an hour later, talking to me.  
  
I looked at her from my swivel chair in front of her desk. She was sitting in an identical chair behind her desk, except that hers was a light gray and mine was black leather.  
  
//I must remember to buy one of these chairs for my office. // I told myself.  
  
"You've got to talk about it." She insisted.  
  
"Talk?" I laughed. "I don't have to talk about a damn thing."  
  
"Then why do you come?" She asked, getting aggravated.  
  
"A couple reasons. I've got...I've got nothing better to do and I always wonder what new mixed messages your going to feed me."  
  
"Mixed messages?"  
  
"Oh yes. My favorite is that you tell me to 'Talk about it', but I shouldn't 'Dwell on the past'. Why don't you make up your mind?"  
  
"Seto..."  
  
"Don't call me that!" I hissed, glaring at her. I clenched the armrests and leaned forward. I don't think I'd ever been that angry, but I couldn't help it. //How dare she?!// "You have no right! Call me Kaiba if you must address me!"  
  
"Alright." She shrugged. "Kaiba. Why won't you talk about it?"  
  
"You're my shrink. Aren't you supposed to tell me that?"  
  
"I can't tell you anything unless you talk to me." She pointed out. "Why don't you tell me what happened."  
  
"I...I can't. It still hurts." I admitted, getting up and walking over to the windows that made up the left wall. I looked down at the street and felt my hands clench behind my back.  
  
"Alright." She nodded. "Why don't we start with something easier?"  
  
"Like?" I shrugged. //Why am I so talkative today? Why the hell DO I come to these stupid things? I suppose if I was to be perfectly honest, I would say that I come because it gets me out of the house. //  
  
"Kaiba?" She asked.  
  
"Huh?" I jumped.  
  
"We're you listening?" She asked. I shook my head.  
  
"Could you repeat it?" I asked, quietly.  
  
"What do you do when you get home?" She sighed.  
  
"Eat. Sleep." I shrugged.  
  
"Alright." She sighed. "Do you talk to any of your friends?"  
  
"I don't have any." I sighed, looking down. "I don't need any."  
  
"Kaiba..." Ms. Tuyen began.  
  
"I. Don't. Need. Any." I repeated.  
  
"Fine. What else do you do?" She asked.  
  
"I work."  
  
"All day?" She asked. "What about school?"  
  
"I graduated last month." I sighed.  
  
"Oh, yes. Of course." She laughed. "How stupid of me."  
  
//I will, MUST, not comment. Oh, fine, I will. I could have told her that. //  
  
"Seto." She sighed, trying to get my attention. I felt my blood boil.  
  
//She's done it again. // I snarled. //If she does that one more time, I'm going to pop! //  
  
"Seto," She tried again. I balled my hands into fists and spun to face her.  
  
"DON'T. YOU. EVER. CALL. ME. THAT. AGAIN!" I roared. Ms. Tuyen started at me in shock. I think my sudden burst of emotions scared her, and usually I would have stopped to regain my cold control of them, but she had hit a nerve. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! ONLY MOKUBA CALLS ME THAT! NOT YOU! NOT ANYONE ELSE!!"  
  
"Don't you mean, called?" Ms. Tuyen whispered.  
  
"SHUT UP!" I screamed. I felt like a little child, denying that the sky was blue, but I wouldn't let myself accept it. "HE IS NOT DEAD!"  
  
"Kaiba." She soothed. "You have to accept it. Mokuba died."  
  
"Shut up." I tried to tell her, but my voice wouldn't work. I felt the tears run down the checks and I sank into my chair. "He shouldn't be dead. It was just a storm! A storm!"  
  
"Come on, Kaiba." Ms. Tuyen nodded. "What happened?"  
  
"It was a Friday. It had been nice all week so Mokuba asked me if he could walk home. I, like a fool, agreed. Then, in the afternoon, it began to rain. I tried to call him on his cell phone to tell him I was coming to pick him up, but he didn't answer. I drove to the school anyway and when I got there, he...he...he was already dead. He ran out into the parking lot. The driver saw him but couldn't stop because of the rain."  
  
"What happened then?" she prompted me.  
  
"I jumped out and ran towards him. It was starting to rain harder now and I couldn't see anything but Mokuba. I remember running and slipping a couple times, then reaching him. He wouldn't talk to me, but I told him that help was coming and he was going to be alright. I tried yelling for help, but no one was coming. I don't remember anything else until I was sitting in the waiting room and a doctor was telling me that he had died upon impact. They said I should be happy he never knew what hit him. I told them all to fuck off. How could I be happy if he was dead? It couldn't be true. I couldn't believe it. Hell, I wouldn't believe it. Then I saw him laying there, so quiet and still, I was just waiting for him to sit up and give me one of his hugs. But he wouldn't."  
  
"What else do you remember?" She asked, but I just shook my head. "You've got to talk!"  
  
"You know, sometimes I have nightmares about it. They're always the same. Well, until the ending. There are different endings. There's always the rain, the car, Mokuba, and then the ending. Occasionally, I can't move and Mokuba sees me. He just stands there waving at me and the car's coming towards him. Then he's hit and it's just memories of that day. Sometimes, I managed to jump in front of him but the car passes through me and hits him. Then, once, I had a dream where it did hit me and I was dying." I shook my head, not wanting to remember that particular dream. "Why did it have to be him?"  
  
"No one knows." My shrink shrugged.  
  
"Mokuba." I whispered. "Why couldn't it have been me? Why him? I never did tell him how much he meant to me. Some days, most days, he was the only reason I didn't blow myself away. I even considered buying a gun once, then I saw his picture and went back home."  
  
"Kaiba, Mokuba knew how much you cared about him." Ms. Tuyen reassured me.  
  
"Yes, I know. But I never did tell him exactly how much." I sniffed. "GOD! Why can't this just be a dream? Why is it that I can't walk out this door and see him? Why is he dead?"  
  
"Kaiba." A voice whispered.  
  
"Go away!" I sobbed. "Go away!"  
  
"Seto?!" A new voice asked. I tried to pull in my tears, but they just began to fall more freely. I felt a hand on my shoulder but I didn't try to shake it off. "Seto, Wake up!"  
  
//Oh, yes! How I wish I could. // I sighed. I wiped away my tears and opened my eyes. Mokuba was sitting next to me.  
  
"WHAT?!" I screamed, pulling away. I looked around and saw that I was in my room, wearing only my PJ's. "Go away! You're dead!"  
  
"Seto? Were you having a bad dream?" Mokuba asked me, his voice showing his worry. I looked down at my arm and pinched myself. It hurt. I looked back at Mokuba and held out my arms to hug him. He squeezed me and I hugged him back.  
  
"Do you know how much I care about you?" I asked Mokuba.  
  
"A lot?" He asked. I smiled.  
  
"More than that. I care about you more than anything else in the world, you know that, right?"  
  
"I know." Mokuba nodded. I smiled.  
  
"You'd better go back to your room." I sighed after a while. "You need your sleep. I promise I'm okay."  
  
"If you're sure." Mokuba nodded, closing the door behind him. I closed my eyes and lay back down on my bed.  
  
//Thank you.// I sighed, in a silent prayer. //Thank you for my second chance. From now on I'll remember what you taught me. You never know what you have, until you lose it.//  
  
(Author: And YES! I know the ending sucks! *Kicks self for writing such an AWFUL ending) 


	4. Death

'Seto Kaiba. Youngest CEO in the world.' I mussed turning slightly in my chair. It had been made official yesterday and today was my first official day of work. 'True, I do have school, but I'll just have to make time after school. Homework never took me very long anyway.' I stood up and walked over to the window.  
  
'THE window.' I told myself. I heard a knock at the door and rolled my eyes.  
  
"Come in." I growled. The door opened and I stood there waiting. "Well?"  
  
"Master Kaiba." A voice said softly. "The reports you wanted."  
  
"Leave them on my desk." I nodded. There was a soft thump then the door closed.  
  
'I'm glad the staff seems to fear me. They probably should. I also don't have time to earn their respect and I cannot appear weak. One flaw and my entire staff will fly in like vultures. If they fear me, I control them. I would have the thing I had never had before; power.' I grinned, the smirk growing on my face.  
  
"You hear that you stupid bastard?!" I laughed at my adopted father. "Whose got the power now? All those years of controlling me. Giving and taking my freedom on a whim. You should have known not to push me to far. You pushed me and I pushed you...out a window." I ran my hand along the window frame and turned to view my office.  
  
'I'll have to call a decorator. I want all traces of Gozaburo Kaiba exterminated. Except, perhaps, these windows.' I mussed. My thoughts returned to my adopted father and became more serious. 'He is nothing but ashes now. Sad to think that one act could give me the thing I never had before. If I had known, I'd have down it earlier. All I ever wanted was power. The power to control my own thoughts and actions. You always said, 'Father', that there were the powerful and the powerless. Then you'd ask me what I was. I was the powerless, you said. And you were right. I was powerless. But not anymore. Guess the tables have been turned. I AM the powerful. And I like it. In fact, I'll do whatever I have to do to keep this power. I killed you to get it, didn't I? Makes you wonder what I'll do to get the other stuff I want.' 


	5. Why?

I'm standing on the passageway, waiting for Pegasus.  
  
'I HATE that stupid bastard! He knew I would do anything for Mokuba. He's playing me like a pawn. Well, I'm nobody's pawn. If he thinks he can move me from square to square at will, he's got another thing coming!'  
  
I shake my head as Tea's words re-enter my mind.  
  
'What does she know about my heart? I risked my life for my brother, didn't I? Doesn't that count for something? And they wonder why I hate people. Machines don't judge me on my one action or my money. They don't judge at all. People judge without seeing the whole picture. I suppose it's understandable, though. They didn't know what Pegasus has done to Mokuba. Why didn't I just tell Yugi? He would have understood. No, I know why. It's my pride. My stupid pride! Can't show weakness. Can't ask for help. No. I've got to do EVERYTHING myself. You hear that Gozaburo? You gave me nothing! Nothing but pain, pride and a stupid multi- million dollar company. No scratch that. I stole the company. I'd give it back if I could. I don't want it. Never did. I just wanted Mokuba to be safe. All right, so my own safety was a definite plus. The only way to ensure anyone's safety was to get rid of you. You should have known not to threaten Mokuba. I could have taken any crap you dealt me; all you had to do was leave Mokuba alone. I hope you heard that, Pegasus! You hurt my brother. A child! You're lower than dirt in my opinion, so I'm going to bring you down. Just wait. There is no more mercy for you in MY soul.' 


	6. Perhaps II

Alone. Pain. Sadness. Self-hatred. Hatred. Boredom. Alone.  
  
I'm still in this nothingness. Time is passing, or at least I'm assuming it is. There's nothing to measure time with here. For all I know, what I think is five seconds, could really be three weeks where my body is. Or perhaps, what I think is an hour is really a second. I'm confused now. It's kinda hard not to be. This place radiates confusion. How did I get here? Why am I here? How long? Where am I? Am I here? I try not to think about those questions though. They're too difficult. I focus on what I can handle.  
  
There isn't a lot to do here. Means my mind is free to wander. I'm not sure I like that. Contemplating the meaning of life is not one of my favored past times. Of course, this place, this darkness, puts a person into a reflective mood.  
  
This place. That's a terrible thing to call where I am. But can you name nothingness? I wonder is area's of outer space have names. That's nothingness isn't it? No. There are stars in outer space. Oh well, I never did understand astronomy or the whole outer space unit much.  
  
I wonder how Mokuba is. I hope no one was really watching that embarrassing duel with Pegasus. I suppose Yugi might have seen some of it, but once I start a duel, it's just me, the field and my opponent. I think that near the end I heard Yugi yelling at me. He was probably laughing at me. Not that I don't understand. The most logical course of action is to hate me. Let's see. What have I actually done to him? I almost killed his grandfather. I insulted him. I cheated, though for a good reason, on our second duel. I insulted and taunted him. I insulted and taunted his friends. Yep. He definitely hates me. Let's face it. If I'd done that to myself, I'd be out there right now planning my slow and very painful demise.  
  
I guess that means I'm screwed. But if I'm screwed, whose going to help Mokuba? Will anyone bother? No, I suppose Yugi will. He seems to know and like Mokuba. But then Mokuba is extremely hard not to like. Well, at least Mokuba will be saved. As long as he is okay. If he's okay I can stay here and contemplate the world forever.  
  
I guess my pride doesn't cover this. I just want Mokuba safe. If it means that my enemy has to help him, and I can't, then fine. I hate myself already. I'm a terrible brother and this all just proves it. I hope Mokuba forgives me. Even if I can't forgive myself. But perhaps Yugi will help me. Perhaps I will get another chance. Perhaps I can learn to be nicer. Perhaps.  
  
Perhaps. Pain. Sadness. Self-hatred. Hatred. Boredom. Perhaps. 


	7. WakeUp

AN: Again, a new chapter in Seto Tales. Um, this happens during the episode where Seto and Mokuba's souls are set free and they wake up. Yea. I tried to stick as close to the episode as possible, but I might have gotten a few things wrong. Anyway, this on isn't as angst-y as the others. A lot of it is implied or glossed over. You know I try, but somehow it's almost a happy subject. Now you KNOW I'm crazy. Whatever. It's like your favorite birthday party, where everything goes right. It's almost impossible! Well, I tried. Tell me what you think. Remember, angst level is low on this one.  
  
Wake-up  
  
I raise my head, glance around my holding cell and attempt to piece together what had happened while I tried to stand.  
  
'Last thing I remember is defeating Pegasus. Then that awful darkness.' I shiver at the memory. 'But how long ago was that? A day? A month? An hour? And why am I back here? Where is here?'  
  
I sigh and take a paper clip out of my belt. Obviously, Pegasus didn't feel the need to search me since I was missing my soul. Growling, I step out of my holding area and pick up my briefcase from the table. About the climb the stairs, I stop.  
  
'Mokuba.' I realize. 'Have you forgiven me, little brother? I failed you, and I suppose you know that, don't you? I failed! How can I face you again? Oh my brother. But if I'm free then you must be as well. I'm coming for you once again.'  
  
I quickly run up the stairs, stumbling once or twice as I get used to walking once again. I finally find a door and step outside. I look up and curse as I'm outside the castle. I walk along the perimeter and smile as the breeze rakes through my hair. I play with the thought of just lying down on the grass and enjoying the day for a few minutes, but remember Mokuba, so I press on. I turn a corner and see the gates in front of me. I tell my legs to walk forward but they won't listen. They're listening to and agreeing with the small, nagging, bit of my mind. The part I hate but know is right.  
  
'How can I face my brother? He hates me now. Hell, I hate myself!' I ask myself, slumping against the wall. Sliding down so I'm sitting on the grass, I lean my head against the wall. 'I was so close. So close, Mokuba! I tried, but I couldn't. I'm a failure. He knew Mokuba. Some how Pegasus knew every card I was going to play, and I don't just mean Duel monster cards.'  
  
I close my eyes and the day of my duel flash in front of my eyes.  
  
'I had him where I wanted him, Mokuba. I was in the castle and he was standing in front of me. I wanted to kill him. Tear him apart and force him to give you back, but I had to play his game. So, I played my trump card. My new holographic generators. You'll love them. You always did enjoy realism. But, then he pulled his own trump card. You. He wanted me to duel you, Mokuba! And you just stood there. Didn't know who I was, or what was happening. I could have cried. But I couldn't duel you, not my own brother. Not the boy I was trying to save. So I gave in. I let him win that round. But that was the war. Everything else was just a game for him. Just a silly little bit of entertainment for him! You and I were just toys for him to play with! Oh how he enjoyed killing me. And at the very end, I begged you for forgiveness. I pleaded for you to pardon me, because I had tried my hardest. And he told me what I already knew! MY BEST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH! Not for you Mokuba. I'll never be good enough for you. Please Mokuba. If you can hear me. Forgive me. I'll try again. Harder! I'll...'  
  
"Brother!" I hear someone calling. "Seto!"  
  
'It's you! It's you, Mokuba!' I want to shout and cry and hug you, but then I remember my failures. Besides, you're probably with Yugi and his friends. Shouting and crying would be... undignified. I allow myself a small smile and stand up, brushing the grass off my coat. Pushing open the gates, I continue to smile. I was right of course. Yugi and the others had saved you. I walk forward slowly but you do what I wanted to do. You run forward and grab me around the waist in a tight hug, squeezing me, as if you're afraid I might disappear. I fight the urge to hug you tightly, and move so that we're at eye level. I wanted to beg you to forgive me, but you're already talking. I think I'm replying, but I'm not sure. I'm standing and looking down at Yugi. I tell him that I'm indebted to him. I am really. He saved Mokuba. He saved my world, because Mokuba is my world. Oh, and he probably saved my life while he was at it but I'm not important. I look back at Mokuba and smile at him. He seems to have forgiven me fully. Of course, I knew he would. Mokuba forgives so easily.  
  
'Still an innocent child, despite it all.' I muse.  
  
"Ready to go back home Mokuba?" I ask him. "Back where we both belong?"  
  
I smiles and nods, taking my hand. I smile back.  
  
'I'll promise you again, Mokuba. I'll protect you. I'll never leave you. I'd die for you, brother.' We walk back to the helicopter and I remember the times I considered suicide. But he wouldn't let me.  
  
'He needed me then and still does today. I'll be there for you Mokuba.' I promise my brother. 'I'll be right with you until you don't need me anymore.' 


	8. Insomnia

Glancing around nervously, the boy frowns. I can't see his face-the only thing I can see is his back and long-ish brown hair-but somehow I just know he's very annoyed and maybe a touch worried.  
  
"Where am I?" He asks himself. "What's going on?"  
  
"Relax." Another voice whispers. Turning around, the child tries to find the speaker. I noticed that when he turns, the hall spins so I'm still behind him, never seeing the boy's face. I watch as his head turns to search the hall, looking up and down, right and left.  
  
"Where are you?" He asks cautiously, thinking over each word before he says it. "Why can't I see you?"  
  
"I'm at the end of the hall. Why don't you join me? You like television don't you son? We can talk and watch television." The voice suggests, a touch of laughter running through the words.  
  
"Don't play with me!" The boy demands, as he stays where he was. "Who are you?"  
  
"Don't you remember me?" The voice asked.  
  
"No. Should I?"  
  
"I'm hurt! How could you forget me so easily?"  
  
"Maybe if I saw you face it might....... jog my memory?"  
  
"Behind you." The voice laughs. Jumping around, the boy gasps and backs away from the man who's come up behind him. This time the hall doesn't move, so now I can see the kid's face. It's me! Only younger! "Boo."  
  
"Go....... Gozaburo!" The kid stammers, backing away from the man who now standing in front of.  
  
'Gozaburo?!' I gap, stepping forward to help myself. 'NO! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE! I KILLED YOU! YOU'RE DEAD!'  
  
"Yes, Seto. That's me." Gozaburo smiles at the child me. "Miss me?"  
  
'What's going on?!' I cry out, even though I realize that no one can hear me. Not the man and not the boy. I scream as the hall begins spinning again, making me dizzy. I collapse and lose my lunch. When I finally manage to regain control of my stomach, I look up and see Mokuba standing in the distance.  
  
"Mokuba!" I shout, finally regaining my voice. He looks over at me and waves. I motion for him to come to me, when Gozaburo comes up behind him and grabs my brother's shoulder.  
  
"Hello, Seto." Gozaburo grins at me. Staggering to my feet, I try to wipe the sweat and vomit from my face. Supporting myself with one of the walls, I watch in horror as Pegasus joins Gozaburo. Gozaburo tightens his grip on Mokuba's shoulder and I watch in horror as my brother squirms in pain. I take a step forward before doubling over and throwing up again. Falling to my knees, I try to stand but the pain in my stomach only spreads all over my body. I look up again to yell out, but as I watch, Gozaburo and Pegasus are joined by my board of directors.  
  
"No." I whisper, supporting my body on my hands and knees. "Let him go."  
  
"Pitiful." One of my directors smirks as he punches Mokuba in the gut, causing my brother to scream in pain. I watch in horror as Pegasus kicks him and Gozaburo hauls him to his feet.  
  
"Stop!" I command the men, but they don't listen to me.  
  
"Go on, Seto." A director commands me. "Beg us to stop. Beg like a dog."  
  
"Seto!" Mokuba calls to me as the men continue to beat him. "Help me! Big brother!"  
  
"Please." I beg the men, crawling over to them. Swallowing my disgust at my actions, I crawled forward, ignoring the pain in my stomach. Wiping the sweat from my face again, I hang my head at the humiliation and try to hide the single tear I know is rolling down my face. "Please, stop hurting him. PLEASE!"  
  
"Begging is for weaklings." Gozaburo sneers. "You'll have to be punished, Seto."  
  
I hear Mokuba scream, but can't look up at him. I know they're hitting and kicking him.  
  
"No." I whisper, as Mokuba's screams get louder. He's screaming and crying now that the pain is growing. He calls for me to save him, but I can't stop vomiting. The pain in my body is growing as well and I'm beginning to cough up blood.  
  
"Seto! SAVE ME!" Mokuba pleads with me, as I collapse onto the floor.  
  
"So....... sorry. I've failed....... again." I try to apologize as the blackness that was pushing in on my vision swallows me up.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sitting up in bed, I stifle the scream I can feel growing in my throat.  
  
"Bed?" I whisper. "I fell asleep? Oh God, Seto, you idiot."  
  
I throw off the sheets and go to the closet. Pulling out a fresh set of clothes I dress and pull on my trench coat. I walk down to the kitchen and make myself a cup of my extra coffee.  
  
"Um....... Seto?" I hear Mokuba call from the doorway. "What are you doing up?"  
  
"I....... I couldn't sleep." I lie, pouring the coffee from the maker to my cup. I turn to face him and feel myself running a hand through his hair, pushing it off his face. Crouching down next to him, I search his face for any signs of bruising. "Are you all right?"  
  
"Yea." Mokuba nods. "Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
I know I can't answer his question, so I just shake my head and walk him back to his room. Returning to my office, I sit down in my large captain's chair. Sleep seemed to be my heaven and my hell. It offered escape from my problems and the annoying people, but it also held the pain of the dreams. The nightmares had always been with me, ever since I had killed Gozaburo. I can't remember the last time I'd had a decent night sleep. I'd trained myself to get along on highly-caffeinated coffee, five-minute naps and pill-induced unconsciousness.  
  
My doctors-I had three-classify it as insomnia. I think they're full of crap. Insomnia is the prolonged inability to sleep. I can sleep. I get tired. I want to lie down on my bed and take a nap after my work day, officially, ends. But I'd rather not dream. Unfortunately I can't not dream. I can't control the horror that consumes my dreams, either. It's always the same, with slight variations. I always see my younger-self being confronted by Gozaburo, and Pegasus, Gozaburo and my board of directors always beat someone up. Sometimes it's Mokuba; sometimes it's myself. Once or twice it had been Yugi or one of his friends. Every time I beg them to stop while crawling through my own sweat and vomit. Even the memory of the disgrace and humiliation causes my face to burn in shame.  
  
Still, I allow my doctors to think I am insomniac and take the medication and prescriptions they give me. I don't dream when I take them. I remember when I was too proud to lie to my doctors. For a few years, I threw myself into my works in hopes of keeping myself awake that way, but it never worked; I always fell asleep and dreamt. Now I just work all the time so I have something to do while I'm awake, and it's become sort of a habit. I sip my coffee and mentally kick myself for falling asleep tonight. But I hadn't slept in roughly four days, so I glance over at the medicine bottle on my bedside table and back at my coffee. Coffee or pills? Coffee or pills?  
  
"But I'm so tired." I finally admit. Going over to the pills, I dump two into my hand and read the back of the bottle. "'Do not exceed two pills every twenty-four hours.' One more. One more and I'll never have nightmares again. No more dreams. No more....... anything."  
  
I dump a third and fourth pill into my hand and prepare to swallow them. But....... I can't. All I can do is stare at the picture of Mokuba I keep on my private desk.  
  
"What would you do, little brother, if I was to fall asleep? What if I never woak up again?" I ask the picture. "Would you cry?"  
  
"Of course, Seto. Of course I would." Mokuba whispers from his spot at the door.  
  
"Mokuba?" I ask, turning to look at him.  
  
"You're not think about it again, are you Seto?" He asks me. I shake my head, lying to him for the second time that night. "You promised me you'd never leave. Remember?"  
  
"I remember. I won't leave you." I whisper as he climbs onto my lap and hugs me. I return his hug and, after a minute or two, send him back to his room. Putting two of the pills back in the bottle, I take the other two with out water, as I usually do and go to my bed. Taking off my coat, I slip under the covers to waiting for sleep to claim me for the night. Sleep-dark, deep and dreamless-was my heaven. "I won't leave, at least not tonight." 


	9. TwentyFour

Salvation. It's beautiful really. Hope, too. But I can't exactly remember what hope is like. I know it's wonderful and beautiful. No, not beautiful. I remember hope being....... magnificent. Oh, but you don't care what I can recall, do you? I've forgotten it and it's forgotten me. Or has it forgotten me? No, I think it has merely forsaken me. And I suppose that's all there is too it, really.  
  
I remember that I used to believe that salvation could be found in people. But then I grew up and lost those childish ideas and dreams. Salvation can't be found in people or ideas. Well, that's not exactly true. HE used to be my salvation. HE used to be my deliverance, if you can believe that. I lived for HIM, as clichéd as that sounds. If it hadn't been for HIM, I think I would have thought to seek out salvation sooner. And, perhaps, I would have taken what it offered without a second thought or hesitation.  
  
I wouldn't say it was HIS fault that I found salvation, it's not, even though he gave it to me. In fact, I didn't really find it. It just came to me. It's like when you're walking down the street and suddenly you trip over a wallet filled with money. You weren't looking for it, it just found you. Anyway, I wasn't looking for it. I hadn't needed it yet. I still had HIM, then. Then I had a purpose and a reason. To make HIM better than I ever could have been or was. To make HIM happy and keep HIM safe. You see, that's because when I meet the Devil, the Anti-HIM, I sort of gave up on myself. You can't really have much hope for the dead, can you?  
  
Yes, I died. A person can only take so many beatings, so many words and so many threats before they begin the slow process of death. After a year with the Anti-HIM, I caved. I began to die and after three years of my slow death, I passed on and became nothing more than a ghost. I still remember the day that I fully died. March 24. That's the day I died and I killed the Anti-HIM. Sometimes, on March 24, I sit down and toast the Anti- HIM. After all it's not everyday your adopted son kills you, is it?  
  
At first I didn't know I was dying or that I had died. Most people don't I suspect. It's subtle and different for everyone. With me, I began to die when I couldn't care anymore. So what if he hurt me? So what if I hurt others? I didn't care; hell, I couldn't care! That's when it began, really. After that, I started to hurt others for no reason. I became ruthless and unnecessarily cruel with others. I never used my manners on anyone lower than myself, but there was no one I regarded as higher than I, except for HIM; HE was always better then me. Rude and cruel, I began cocky and uncaring. Then....... I snapped. I died. At that moment I didn't even care about myself or what happened to me. Oh, I cared about HIM, just not myself. So I killed the Anti-HIM. Pushed him out a window. March 24.  
  
And that is how I died. After that, all I had was my hope and my salvation....... all of which I placed in HIM. I suppose it's true what they say. You shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. It would have proven to be my downfall. If I wasn't already dead, that is. But it doesn't really matter now. I did what I set out to do. HE's happy. HE's safe. In fact, last week I attended HIS wedding.  
  
So, with my reason fulfilled, what will I do? What does a machine do, when it has served its function? Sometimes they are reprogrammed, or taken apart to be used with other machines. But I'm too old and worn for that. I am almost thirty now. Sometimes they put machines in the back room to rust and fall apart on their own, but I refuse to die as such. You see? My pride continues with me, even to the end. I suppose the only other option is to be thrown away. Like the box you receive a gift in, no? Once used the box is discarded and forgotten. Most people would be sad at such a fact, but I'm not. No, really! I've known, since I realized my purpose that it would come to this. So, now that it has come to pass, I have restarted my search for salvation. And I found it, though I'd had it for a long time before this.  
  
I've decided to wait....... for March 24. Dramatic irony, if you will, though it has been quite a few years since I first died. I do think it would be a good idea to die, for the second time, on the same date as my first death. I would hate for there to be any confusion on the tombstone....... if there is one. Oh well.  
  
You know, I've just re-read this entire message, and I see now that my reasons for sending this are confused and muddled. But then again, so am I, in reality. I could go through and edit this, but then, that would take to much time and I am a very busy man. I'm not sure why I'm sending this E- mail to you, puppy. I mean, sending this pathetic explanation is one thing, no matter how embarrassing this is, but to you?!  
  
Don't get this e-mail wrong, I still think you're an idiot. But you're a loyal idiot. You've always struck me as loyal and brave and I've always respected you for that. Loyalty is one thing I never had and never could give. I always wanted to try it but I suppose I was too scared to give my loyalty to anyone, except HIM. I've always been loyal to HIM.  
  
But perhaps the real reason I'm sending this to you is because I know you will understand what I am saying and, because of that, you will not try to do anything about it. I can't send this to Yugi or his Yami or one of your other friends. They would never see or understand this like you can. You see, I know your father beats you. I've got ears and eyes. Unlike you friends, I can recognized the symptoms. I used to carry them myself, you know.  
  
At any rate, now is when I'm going to lower myself to asking a favor of you, puppy. Please watch out for HIM for me? My job may be done but I still worry about him. I think I always will.  
  
I've left HIM the entire company. And, I've even given you and your friends a little something, though I expect you'll think it's a very big something. As you can see everything is in order. The company. My money and bills. Even my things are to be sold or given to specific people. Like, my deck, which I've left to Yugi and his Yami, to do with as they wish. Except for one of my precious dragons, which I have left to HIM.  
  
Well, it seems I must go puppy. I've got a last minute meeting with my lawyer.  
  
Seto Kaiba  
  
P.S.- Try not to die puppy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I click the send button and stand up from my desk. The last line had been a lie. I didn't need to see my lawyer. I'd already told him that my affairs were in order. Pulling out a bottle of wine from my desk, I opened it and raised it towards the ceiling.  
  
"Well, my devil." I whispered, after I took a sip. "It's been a while, hasn't it? But my purpose is done and I have no more causes to finish, so it's time to end this. I told the puppy I had already died, and I have. You killed me, you bastard. But it's left to me to finish the job."  
  
I opened my top drawer and pulled out a small bundle of cloth. Opening it, I checked the small pistol in my hand and turned it over.  
  
To Seto ~ From Mokuba  
  
"Thanks, Mokuba." I whisper as I walk over to the window. I open it and look out over the street. "Twenty-four floors. Ironic, huh, Gozaburo?"  
  
Grinning to myself, I placed the gun to my head and tipped over the edge as I pulled the trigger.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Wha?! FUCKIN' SHIT!" I screamed, pushing away from his computer in panic. I hadn't expected this! Then again, no one expects suicide notes to pop up in their e-mail. Jumping up, I ran for the door, pulling on my jacket. Half way down the street, my cell phone rang and I opened it on the run. "Yea?"  
  
"Ya hear, man?" Tristan asked.  
  
"Hear what?" I gasped as I ran around the corner.  
  
"Kaiba took the plunge and I mean literally! Jeez. Twenty-plus floors. Actually, seems he blew himself away with some sort of gun first and just fell out the window."  
  
"He....... He's dead?" I whispered, as I slowed to a stop. I was too late. "Tristan? What day is it? What's the date?"  
  
"The date? Uh, March twenty-fourth."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: So, what'd ya think? I've decided to put the AN at the end so it won't disrupt the story. The story actually started out as just a rambleing train of thought and then it worked it's way into an e-mail to Joey (Do not ask! I just couldn't see him writing a suicide note to anyone but Joey. He sort of explains that bit) and then those small POV bits............ let's just say I have NO idea what the F*** I was smoking. It's rather different, ne? Most people have Seto killing himself because Mokuba died (Even I do! See 'Goodby'), but I've never seen one where Kaiba kills himself because Mokuba grew up. Anyway. Review, because I'm not sure if it's any good.  
  
OH! HIM: Mokuba; Anti-HIM: Gozaburo 


	10. It's Not Fair!

I've been staring at it for the longest time but I can't decide what I think of it. It's definitely a first for me, as I'm usually very opinionated.  
  
'I hate it.' I finally decided. 'It's ugly and showy and ornate. Blah. Maybe I should have it leveled and build something new in it's place. Anything is better than that!'  
  
I genuinely hate it but I can't stop staring at it for some reason. It's repulsive but purposeful at the same time. Sure, it serves a revolting purpose but it does it all the same. Maybe I should have taken charge of it, instead of letting some of the employees take care of it. I ought to have made time for it-everyone would have understood-but I just couldn't face it. I couldn't face anything for a while. This whole damn month's been too hard for me.  
  
I shift my weight from one foot to the other, trying to work the cramp out of my right leg. I'm not actually sure how long I've been standing here. A half-hour, maybe a full hour. I'm not too sure, but I can't say I really care. People come and go behind me and some people stop to whisper to each other cautiously. I can't say I really care what they do, as long as no ones tries to talk to me. Fortunately, for them and me, no one has tried. Well, at least, not since that executive. I probably shouldn't have tried to kill him.  
  
Lowering my head to look at the ground, I realize I'm glad it's so quiet and still here. That's just how I need it now. I don't imagine I'll be getting much peace in the future.  
  
This whole thing will be over soon or at least I'm guessing it will be. Fewer and fewer people are coming now and, soon, I suspect, I shall be all alone. Again. I'm getting rather used to it. I finally gather the strength to look at my watch and I see there are only ten minutes to go before it's all over. Well, it's never really over. Just the official time where I have to be here will end in ten minutes. Oh. Lucky me.  
  
I look around and realize that the area is finally empty. There's no one here but me. No, scratch that. Yugi and a few of his friends are coming up. God, please! Why now? I really don't need this at the moment.  
  
Sighing, I choose to ignore them. They aren't worth my time; not this time, at least.  
  
I return my attention to my previous contemplations and let a frown cross my face.  
  
"It's not fair." I say to myself, unaware that I'd attracted the attention of Yugi and his friends. I can feel my pent up anger and hurt flood out of my heart. "It's not fucking fair!"  
  
I began to breathe heavily and I clenched my fists.  
  
"You promised. You promised me! Did you hate me? Did you get some sort of sick pleasure from lying to me?!" I scream at it. "HUH?! How dare you! You bastard."  
  
"Uh......." Yugi began as he moved closer to me. I'm too mad to even see him. All I could focus on was my hate, hurt and resentment.  
  
"You bastard! YOU LIED TO ME!" I screamed throwing myself at the object of my wrath. I felt a pair of strong hands grab my arms and shoulders and realized someone was holding me back. I upset and tired to fight, I fell to my knees and let the tears stream down my face. "And I can't even blame someone else. It's all your fault."  
  
"Mokuba?" Yugi asked, kneeling next to me.  
  
"He lied to me." I whispered. "He promised he would never leave me. Then he committed suicide. He just....... left me. I'm so alone, Yugi."  
  
"It's going to be all right." Yugi promised me, as I stared at my brother's grave.  
  
I nodded but inside I knew he lied. How could anything be all right now? 


	11. Masks

After closing my briefcase, I pulled on my coat and walked towards the exit. The dismissal bell had rung fifteen minutes earlier, but I had needed to pick up a few papers for my history class. The day before, I had had a conference and had to miss the last half of school. The extra work wasn't enough to worry me, but I had missed a test, which the teacher had allowed me to make up. I walked outside, to wait for my ride, and let out a deep sigh. School was an absolute waste of my time; I hadn't a clue why I continued with it. I knew everything they could teach us in science. They don't even have a math course that was at a high enough level to challenge me and I already spoke English, Spanish and German at near fluency.  
  
If it wasn't for the Japanese credits I still needed and a few history courses I had to take, I'd have actually look into the prospect of taking the exams early. As it is, I'd taken the exams in all but history and Japanese. The staff had also allowed me to double up on those courses so I could finish school at the end of that year instead of next. I glanced up from the ground and watch as my limo pulled into the lot. I walk towards my car but stop when I hear someone calling for me.  
  
"What the.......?" I ask turning around and see someone running towards me. It was the mutt. "What the hell do you want?"  
  
"Yugi....... sent....... me. This....... yours?" He panted waving one of my work folders in front of me. Grabbing it, I flipped through it to check that all the important papers were still there. Finical reports are a curse, but they're even worse when I lose papers. I nodded quickly, aware that my dismissal was barely civilly, and quickly slipped my file into my briefcase, before I could lose it again. I looked up and noted that the puppy had already left. Thank God. I got into the back and nodded to my driver who begins our daily drive....... in silence.  
  
Looking out the window, I opened my briefcase and glanced down at the file Joey had returned to me. As stupid as it sounds, I used to wonder why I hate Joey so much. No, not hate. I detest Joey. Loathe him. Loathe him ten times over....... but for a while I wasn't sure why. Of course, the answer was so simple it took me a while to realize it the reason. We're so similar; it's scary. And we hated each other because we we're so alike. We can't stand the parallels. Ever heard that opposites attracting? Well, likes repeal.  
  
Yep. It's true. We actually have something in common. What is it? Well it certainly isn't brains, or taste, or money. Nope. It isn't anything like that. It's our attitude. That's what we've got in common.  
  
It's fake. Our expression, actions, words, everything; nothing about us, that the outside world sees, is real. Naturally, I could always read through his façade. I could see the truth. Most people looked at his disrespectful, brash, violent attitude and shrug. 'That's just Joey's way' they would say. I look at it and say 'He's hiding, that's why it's Joey's way'. Okay, sure, I could be wrong. Maybe he was just dropped on his head one to many times, but I doubt it. My God! It's almost laughable. I probably understand the stupid loyal jackass better than any of his friends and, hell, I'm his enemy.  
  
But whatever. It's not like anyone wants my opinion. So what if I can see through Joey Wheelers pathetic mask? I just pretend not to care, because that's my mask. This mask is my protection. The mask of a cold heart; the mask of indifference. Joey wears a mask as well. He just chose a different one. Certain people, those who can't deal with reality whatever their reason, develop them. Some make two or three. Some choose the mask of false happiness while others prefer real depression. Others choose to shield themselves with friends and family. Others hide in schooling, or sports or even games. You have to keep something between you and the pain of your reality. If you face it head on you'll go crazy or get killed. Besides, it's an instinctive act to hide behind something. Your mask if you will.  
  
I chose hatred as my mask. I chose coldness and indifference. I chose to become a machine, perhaps because it was the only mask that would allow my to survive. Any other one would not have pleased Gozaburo, and that wouldn't have improved my health.  
  
And Joey? He chose anger, stubbornness and controllable pain. He chose fights where he could hit back. He wanted to prove that he was stronger. That he COULD control something. He also, unlike me, chose stop the cycle of pain. I heard that once he stood up for a kid who was being bullied. He got the shit beat out of him. Probably ten times worse then the ones he gets at home. But he kept standing up for the kid. And kept getting beat up. Rather pathetic, but he kept it up till the gang got bored and left the kid alone.  
  
Masks, you've got to love them. Almost invisible to anyone but family and very, very close friends. And people who are wearing their own masks. Of course, I'm one of the few that know Joey is just a mask. And he's one of the few that know mine is just a front as well. That means we were scared shitless that the other was going to try and break the mask or, worse, tell someone else.  
  
Unfortunately, there are dangers of living with a mask. I always knew that there were dangers to everything, but I was surprised to find that even my protection is treacherous. Sometimes the mask starts to replace the real you and begins to consume the secret person you keep hidden inside of you. Mine did. I became so uncaring that I committed murder. Premeditated homicide. And I never gave a damn, not a single twinge of regret or guilt, until I meet Yugi and his Yami. When Yami beat me for the first time and sent away my darkness, he shattered my mask. I hate to admit it but I was, and still am, grateful.  
  
But I had to rebuild it because it had been too long. It had been so long since I had faced the world without a mask that I was scared of it. Scared of what it could do to me since I could not remember the good things in the world. Therefore I rebuilt my protective mask and became the same cold person. The same mask. Which is why I still hate Yugi and all of his friends. My new mask was simple weaker and I thought it would not consume me the way the other used to. I can actually feel happiness and care for others. Or I could. My mask is getting stronger and has started to eat at me again. I don't think I really care though. My masks doesn't scare me anymore. Not in the least, to be perfectly honest.  
  
Unfortunately, now that I am old enough, wise enough, and smart enough to understand all this....... it's too late. My mask is my mask. And there is nothing anyone can do about it. Even if I wanted to change. 


	12. One Last Chip

AN: Another chapter in my depressing collection. This one takes place during Kaiba's duel with Yugi on top of Pegasus's castle. I think everything is pretty simple, but it's easier to understand if you know when this takes place.  
  
~~~One last chip~~~  
  
I can't move. I can't think. I can only watch as my precious Blue eyed ultimate dragon, my last hope, melts before my eyes. I think I'm going to cry.  
  
I've lost, I suddenly realize. Everything in my plan rested on my dragons and....... and still I've failed!  
  
I hear voices and I know their talking about me. Me, Seto Kaiba, the failure. Seto Kaiba, the boy. I don't deserve to be called a man anymore. Men aren't failures. Seto Kaiba, the boy who can't even save his own brother. The boy who can't win when it matters more than ever before. I'm the boy who lost everything in one single game.  
  
I look back at my dragon and watch in horror as its rancid, oozing body rolls over Mokuba's body and slowly consumes my brother as he cries out for my help. My reaches out to me, begging, pleading with me, his older brother, to protect and save him. But I can't move. I can't even raise a finger to help him. And then my younger self, the boy I once was, rushes forwards, stretching out his small hand to help my, our, brother. My younger self calls out to Mokuba and their fingers are so close, only inches apart, when the body of my precious dragon suddenly collapses and my brother disappears from sight.  
  
Mokuba. Mokuba is gone. I've lost my brother forever. My younger self stares at the area where Mokuba used to be and doesn't speak for a second. Suddenly turning around, he glares at me and snarls.  
  
'You're rotten to the core, Kaiba! Just like that dragon!' My younger self screams at me. I look down to hide the tears that are pooling in my eyes, even though I know they will never reach my face. I haven't cried in years. Gasping in horror, my tears forgotten, I see my hands and realize I'm melting. I'm melting just like my dragon.  
  
But I really shouldn't be surprised. When a human loses everything their mind and soul disintegrates. And I've lost everything. My company, my self-esteem, my pride, my dragons, but most importantly, my brother. I've sat down at the roulette wheel of life and lost every single chip I had. Why should I continue to live?  
  
I blink once and then twice. I hadn't lost all my chips. I still had one! My life. A plan takes shape in my mind and I realize when I must do. It's time for one more gamble. All or nothing! Life or death!  
  
So I take a deep breath, look at my opponent, throw down my last chip and spin the wheel. 


	13. The New Game

THE NEW GAME  
  
"Seto, do we have to?" He asks from his place, a few steps behind me.  
  
"Yes." I reply without looking down at him.  
  
"But it's late and I'm so tired, big brother."  
  
"Then, I will carry you." I sigh as I stoop down. He walks up behind me and grabs my shoulders so I can hoist him onto my back. I continue down the street, my thin, thirteen-year-old frame bending under the weight of my brother. But I can't leave him-that was never even an option-and he can't follow as fast as I can lead. I shift his weight a bit so that it's more on the evenly distributed and try to keep going. Just five more steps, I promise myself. And then ten more and fifteen more. Just past the park. Around the corner. Past the restaurant. A bit further. I continue on, promising myself a rest and then never taking it. I stop for a second and take my eyes off the sidewalk, looking off into the distance. I can see the train station!  
  
'We're almost there. We can make it!' I tell myself. 'This time is for sure. So close! We can escape!'  
  
"Master Seto?" I hear a voice ask and my shoulders drop. "Master Seto, please. Come with me."  
  
I evaluate my options, but there's really only one. I could run but the driver can easily catch me before I run more than a few feet. Besides, even if I did make it to the station, I'd need to buy two tickets, which would slow me down. I feel the drivers rest his hand lightly on my shoulder and I nod.  
  
"So close." I whisper, as I allow myself to be lead away from the train station and towards the waiting limousine. "I was so close this time."  
  
I lay Mokuba across one seat and sit down across from him. Glancing at the watch on my wrist, I see it's just past midnight.  
  
"Master wants to see you when we return." The driver tells me. I don't blink or show that I heard the driver. It's always the same story anyway; why respond to the formality any more than I had too?  
  
"I'll have to put Mokuba to bed." I tell him after a minute of consideration. It's not original, but why screw with tradition?  
  
"Master says I am to help your brother get ready for bed." The driver whispers, causing me to start. That was new.  
  
"But I always put Mokuba to bed." I argue.  
  
"Master says I am to help your brother get ready for bed." The driver repeated, sounding a bit apologetic. Well screw him and his apologizes!  
  
"Fine." I grumble. Settling back into the soft seats, I let a frown cross my face. What new game was Gozaburo playing?  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Come in." Gozaburo called from inside his office. Entering, I bow as little as I can get away with and straighten up.  
  
"Sir." I address him, before shutting my mouth and waiting. Another part of the ritual.  
  
"Well, Seto. How far did you get tonight?"  
  
"Within sight of the train station, sir." I tell him smugly, which causes him to frown.  
  
"Seto, this game must stop."  
  
"I wasn't aware this was a game." I tell him, and he glares at me for not 'finishing' the sentence. "Sir."  
  
"Ah, but you see, it is. A game is really just an exercise. A series of events which lack a purpose and leave you exactly where you where when you started. Amusement or a diversion, but nothing more."  
  
"But a game can also be a project or a plan." I point out.  
  
"But never a serious one. And believe me, Seto. Your life under me, should you not cease these juvenile and futile ploys, will become very serious. Very serious, indeed. See I've begun to tire of these pointless activities. So I've decided to change the rules."  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Indeed, Seto. Things are going to change very quickly. For example, the punishment for this latest escape attempt of yours will not include the usual ten new computer programs. Instead, from now on you will report to the gym at five o'clock each and every morning and meet with your new....... 'instructor'. After an hour, you will report for our usual training session....... which will no longer include a lunch break. After we are finished, you will be allowed a bit of supper and then you will meet again with your instructor until you are dismissed. Oh, and from now on, you will not be allowed to see your brother alone."  
  
"What?! You can't do that!" I cry, the blood draining from my face.  
  
"I can and I have! Listen you punk, you think you can set all the rules here, but I beg to differ. I make the rules! I decide the game!" Gozaburo barks, before calming down and smiling slightly. "Besides, Seto. You wouldn't want Mokuba to get....... hurt, would you?"  
  
"You wouldn't dare." I hiss, though I know the threat is not entirely empty. He'd hurt Mokuba before. Mostly to punish me or keep me in line. He knew that the beatings and other punishments he gave me were as a slap on the wrist to me. My real vulnerability, my soft spot, the weak point in my hardened armor, was Mokuba. He knew it as well as I did and he was not afraid to use my opening against me. My chest burned with rage, and I narrowed my eyes before taking an offensive step forward. "I'd kill you first!"  
  
"I very much doubt that, Seto." The monster sniffs coldly and I mutter a rude word in response.  
  
"Well, it's late, and you've got an early start tomorrow, don't you? Come closer boy." He beckons to me, ignoring my comment. "You didn't think you've escaped the other part of your normal punishment....... did you?"  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Limping into my room, I lay down on my small bed and try to relax my stiff body. Every inch of me hurts and any sudden movement inflames the pains until it is next to unbearable. Ignoring the excruciating pain that is shooting through my back and shoulders, I roll onto my side and look over at the chess set that is within reach of my bed. The pieces are all over the board, because I had to stop mid-game. Reaching out, I let my fingers rest on one of the pieces before contemplating the board again.  
  
"Gozaburo keeps order with threats and violence." I whisper to myself. Black king advances.  
  
"I escape with Mokuba." White king counters.  
  
"Driver catches up with us and takes Mokuba off to bed; Gozaburo threatens to separate us." Black knight captures white queen; check.  
  
"I sacrifice privilege to see Mokuba again." White pawn sacrificed in exchange for the return of the white queen.  
  
"I wait and rethink escape." White king regroups and begins new assault.  
  
Leaning back, I rest my head on the bed and try to ignore the newly intensified pains in my legs and lower back.  
  
"To win in chess the opposing king must be taken." I tell myself as I try to think of a new plan of escape.  
  
"So, in order to win I must-" I begin, as I search for the answer. Frowning I try to think of the obvious equivalent, when it is suddenly completely obvious.  
  
"To win I must eliminate Gozaburo."  
AN: Again, I've added the authors note at the end. Sometimes it's hard to place the AN at the beginning without spoiling the story. Anyway, this one is a slight diverge from another 'Seto Tales' chapter (I'm still not done that one, and I doubt I ever shall be). Interesting insight into why Seto chose to kill Gozaburo and why he did it when he did. Anyway, I'm not actually sure if this is perfectly in line with the manga/anime version of events, but oh well. R&R! -NightsClaws 


	14. Gamblers

AN: This is a free standing chapter, as always, but it does take place minutes after 'One Last Chip'. 

I press my hand against the wall and rest my forehead against the cold stone.

__

I…...... I almost died. I mentally shiver. _I was never bluffing. Not even for a moment. I honestly would have done it. I would have fallen, pushed myself over the edge. I would have killed myself._

I close my eyes and wait a second before opening them again.

__

I almost died. And I would have, if that girl hadn't stopped him. That girl. What's her name again? Tama? Tara? Tea? Yea, that's it. Tea. She saved my life. If she hadn't called to Yugi, gotten him to stop that attack, I would have jumped. But then…...... I doubt she did it for me. I doubt she meant to save my life.

'Tell me! What do you have at the end of the day?!' I recall her shouting at me, her eyes burning with rage. _I'm just scum to her. To her I was not worth saving. She most likely saved me to save Yugi. If I had jumped, he would have seen himself as a murderer. But I won. And now he sees himself as a failure. He sees himself as a boy who cannot save his grandfather, just as I saw myself as the boy who could not save his brother._

I feel for Yugi. I would be lying to say that I do not. I understand how he must hate himself. I hated myself for being helpless to save Mokuba, which is why I forced his hand as I did. I had hit rock bottom. For if I lost what would I have to live for?

Yes, I pity Yugi for having to chose. I pity him for having to decide who was more important. I pity him for having to decide whose life was more important; the old man's, or mine? But, most of all, I pity him for choosing wrong. If I had been Yugi, I would have killed myself in a heartbeat. You opponent is your opponent, no matter what, no matter the stakes. If your opponent chooses to risk more than you do, that is his business. You must still win!

I saw those thoughts, the same ones that were on my mind, in Yugi's eyes as he started his attack. He knew that I must die. He knew it had been my gamble to make. I could have given up without a fight. I could have kept my life and lost the duel. It was Mokuba or my life, a hard decision for most but I knew which was the most important.

I feel a little dishonest, to tell the truth. When we began our duel, we agreed to the stakes. The winner enters the castle and the loser…...... loses all hope. But when I knew I would lose, when I knew I had fallen short, I raised the stakes without his consent. I cheated…...... almost.

I let out a sigh and stand up straight, squaring my shoulders.

__

But Yugi understands. It was his choice, his gamble, his life. Just as it was mine.

I continue walking and a servant opens a large door for me. I walk through the doorway and onto a thin metal walkway, hundreds of feet in the air. I grip by briefcase tighter.

__

And now I will fight Pegasus for Mokuba. One more gambler, one more card game, one more bet.


	15. Promises

AN: Actually, a journal entry for my English class. Well, he said we could write about whatever we wanted. HAHAHA! TAKE THAT OWINGS!! Indeed, and let me say, it WAS dedicated to Kaiba when it was a journal entry, so Owings is aware that I am crazy. ^_^  
  
Promises  
  
I never promised you nothing. I only promised you everything. I promised to always be there for you and I promised to protect you, no matter what, but now it hurts to look at you.  
  
I look into your eyes and all I see is happiness. I see your smile and hear your laughter as it rings through the halls of our house. You're happy, but all I want to do is cry. Oh, God. I already am. I wake up every morning and wish I hadn't, but at the same time I'm also glad I did. You wouldn't understand little brother. You don't understand that to protect you, I hurt myself. To keep you safe, I felt my own pain. To let you live, I die a little each day. And you don't see my pain. But that makes me happy and sad. I see you and I can see what I was and what I am not anymore, but that doesn't matter.  
  
I promised you forever and a day. 


End file.
